I can’t make my mind up about horses. On the one side I think they are beautiful majestic creatures unlike no other, and that their powerful legs and impressive main is a good thing and to be worshipped by all men, women and children, and on the other I am terrified out of my mind by their raw-power, odd ’neighing'characteristics, and ready to run in the opposite direction (in zig-zag style, because everyone who’s scared of horses properly knows that this technique will leave a horse feeling confused and sick with human-chasing), as fast as I can, and, if need be, through raging infernos and fields full of land-mines (or even horses neighing) just to escape.

As a grown man (although I’ve never thought being grown or not had anything to do with it) I know it’s irrational, but isn’t everything? Look at how small spiders are, just look if you dare! Spiders, especially those with ridiculously tiny bodies and extra long legs regularly bar me from entering my bathroom and they do know they are doing it, so don’t you dare bring up that argument. With that in mind it’s not difficult to see why a mammoth beast such as a horse gives me the heeby-jeebies. Horses are, quite simply, too frightening for words unless those words are HORSES ARE REALLY REALLY SCARY. Seriously, I have on occasion actually looked into equine insurance.

People say “face your fear”, but why on earth would I want to do that? I can’t ever see myself facing my horse fear, not for love, money, or a life-times supply of Minstrels (and I really do live Minstrels: the chocolate kind I mean, although I have nothing against the others). I once faced my fear of running by trying to run, and all it did was further prove my fear to be more than logical and a very good idea.